Life isn't always fair (Part 1)

This week I received my tenth chemo treatment out of the prescribed twelve. Although the potency of the drugs was not increased again, it still devastated me physically. When I came back into the doctor's office to be disconnected from the chemo, the doctor immediately admitted me to the hospital again. I was so sick and weak, I could hardly walk. After two days in the hospital with IV fluids and potent IV nausea medicine, I was discharged yesterday feeling much better. As I get toward the end of my chemo regimen, I am all the more reminded of the other phrase in Hebrews 12:2 which we did not cover last time: "...enduring the cross..."

As we go through life, we are told to focus on Jesus, who endured excruciating (this word for extreme pain actually comes from two words that mean "from the cross") pain. Many have described the pain of the cross but none so well as a couple of Medical Doctors in a JAMA (The Journal of the American Medical Association) article in the 80's. They studied a wealth of archeological and historical evidence about Roman crucifixion and with medical accuracy detailed what a human body went through during such a crucifixion to expound on what Christ endured that day. This week we will only look at what Jesus endured before even being placed on the cross. I warn you that the truth of what Jesus actually went through that day is gruesome and these blog updates will contain violent and graphic details. Read at your own risk!

The Roman flogging Jesus received was brutal and merciless. Typically, soldiers were permitted to beat the prisoner as much as they wished and in fact many prisoners died during the beating. They would have stripped Jesus and hand-cuff him to a post about as wide as a typical telephone pole in the middle of the Praetatorium (the place where Romans punished prisoners and where townspeople could watch and be reminded not to rebel against Roman authority and law). Two soldiers would have stood on each side of Jesus, each with a weapon of torture referred to as a "cat of nine tails." This was a leather whip with nine straps interlaced with sharpened animal bones and rock fragments shaped like little dumbbells. The bone fragments were intended to cut the flesh of the prisoner and the rock fragments were placed at the end of each strap to give weight to the strap so that it would wrap around the body. Each soldier would take turns whipping the prisoner by wrapping his straps around any part of the body, allowing the bone fragments to firmly set into the flesh then pulling the straps across the body in order to cause as many deep lacerations as possible. One historian recounted an instance where a prisoner was so badly beaten and lacerated that his organs were inadvertently removed and he died attached to the post. The scene of Jesus' flogging would have been absolutely barbaric, gruesome and horrific!

Some believe we have the actual burial cloth of Jesus. The Shroud of Turin is an actual burial cloth of someone who was crucified in Palestine during the time of Christ and some claim it to be the cloth Jesus was wrapped in after his death and before his burial and resurrection. Whether or not it is actually Christ's burial cloth, it gives us incredible evidence and insight into Roman crucifixion. Guess what? Scientists have intensely studied the Shroud of Turin with the aid of technology and have identified that the person buried in the Shroud of Turin had lacerations over his entire body (from head to ankles) and even small bruises in the shape of dumbbells. Jesus would have been barely recognizable as he carried his cross to Calvary. Roman soldiers were used to calling someone out from the crowd to carry the cross of the prisoner because the flogging often took so much from them. Our precious Savior had already endured more than any of us before the first nail was even hammered!

I sometimes feel like my life is not fair. I'm young to have stage four metastatic colon cancer. I've got a wife and kids to provide for. I've sought to honor God with my life and serve Him full time as a pastor. I don't smoke. I don't even drink alcohol. Life is not fair! Then I recall life is not meant to be fair, Jonathan! Jesus never even sinned! All He did was travel through the countryside proclaiming grace and forgiveness, healing the disabled and sick, offering love and acceptance to those who had been cast away by society! He did not deserve that beating! He willingly submitted to it because it was part of saving my soul! If He could endure that, I can easily endure stage four metastatic colon cancer! If He could endure the unfairness of the flogging on that day, I can endure some chemotherapy! Life isn't meant to be fair...it's meant to make us more like Christ! Next time you are surprised by your life being unfair "Look unto Jesus the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross..."

I love you guys! Thanks for joining me on this road trip! Keep running! In fact let's just focus on Christ and run in a pack together!

Jesus is our Focal Point

As I notified you on Facebook, my last blog update was a live message during our last Night of Worship. Many of you were not able to make it and have asked me to recap it for you so here it is...with a little bonus material...

To continue our investigation of Hebrews 12:1-2, let's look at the second verse today: "...looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God." (ESV) As we run this race, we are encouraged to fix our gaze upon our inspiration, Jesus Christ...the perfect runner! When pregnant women are in the throws of labor and delivery, they have been trained to find a focal point in the room and concentrate on it to help them get through the pain.

By the way, I had to apologize the other day to my wife, Cat, for not showing enough compassion as she went through pregnancy early in our marriage. She had horrible morning sickness with each of our three children and I have experienced a great deal of nausea during my chemo treatments. I have surrendered to the reality that I am just a big baby when I am sick and I don't know how Cat did it three times! Most of us men turn into big babies, so God knew what He was doing when he determined women would bring the children into the world. Otherwise, the human race would likely be extinct by now!

Every other week, I am connected by IV to a miserable concoction of chemo drugs for three days and take four different types of anti-nausea drugs almost simultaneously for about five days just to survive! Even still, after my last treatment, I had to be hospitalized for four days to get my system stabilized. I have had to focus on Christ and His example of courage and faithfulness as He ran the race "marked out" for Him. It has motivated me to keep going. If He could go through all that, I can easily go through this. The author of Hebrews causes us to consider exactly what He went through for us on the cross, enduring it's pain and despising it's shame. I want to spend this post looking at the latter phrase, "despising it's shame."

Aside from being excruciatingly painful, execution by crucifixion was absolute humiliation both emotionally and spiritually. Roman soldiers were known for humiliating, mocking and tortuously playing with their victims. Most crucifixion victims were stripped and hung in public places to add to the humiliation. It was reserved by the Romans for only the lowest rung of criminals. In fact, Roman citizens were not permitted to be executed by crucifixion except in the rare event of treason. Only slaves and foreigners could be crucified at the time of Christ. The topic was such a socially degrading issue that according to the etiquette of the day, Romans were never to speak of crucifixion. In one instance, a historian of the time tells us that one popular Roman play featured a final scene where the lead character is crucified. The lead character was being played by a famous Roman actor and playwright. Roman society was so outraged that a Roman actor would even portray the part of a crucified man and pretend to hang on a cross that they began to switch him out with a slave or criminal for the final scene of the play. The slave or criminal was of course really crucified in the theatre in front of the audience and died each time but since it wasn't a Roman, it was tolerated. Crucifixion was the most humiliating and degrading thing that could happen to you.

Additionally, I noticed something odd as I was studying one day: Jesus' disciples referred to his cross as a "tree" sometimes to Jewish audiences or readers (ie. Acts 5:30). Paul gives the reason in Galatians 3:13, "Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us -- for it is written, 'Cursed is everyone who is hanged on a tree'..." This is a reference to OT law in Deuteronomy 21:22-23 where Moses recorded God's instructions for the most vile and despicable criminals who are killed and hung from a tree: "...he is put to death, and you hang him on a tree...a hanged man is cursed by God. You shall not defile your land the Lord your God is giving you for an inheritance." God seems to find these individuals so shamefully vile, that they are not worthy of either Heaven or Earth...they are suspended between the two and are not permitted to touch the Promised or Holy Land blessed by God for His people until a proper burial is given.

Whoa! When I first understood this it impacted me deeply! I wept in my study and thanked my precious Savior...you see, that was my tree. Jesus never committed one sin. All He did was travel throughout Israel loving the unlovable, healing the sick, disabled and blind, preaching a message of unconditional love and grace through faith, not religion. I was the shamefully vile one who has sinned and deserves to hang on that tree. But He willingly took my place of humiliation and shame, even though He despised it! As He took on all of our shameful sins that day, we are told the sky turned dark (even historians noted the strange, unexplainable eclipse of the sun that day) and Jesus cries out to His Heavenly Father, "...why have you forsaken Me?" He was shamefully forsaken and cursed by God because He carried all the shameful things we have done, some we hope no one will ever find out about. That's the Savior we run this race for! I will never get over what He has done for me and I will never be the same.

We don't know what kind of crazy days we will have to run through in this race...but let's run not be focused on our circumstances, hardships or deficiencies...let's run focused on our Savior! We don't know how long we will be running this race...let's not focus on that...let's focus on our awesome Savior! When you stumble and fall...when you feel like you can't put one foot in front of the other...when you feel like giving up...focus on our Jesus. When I go in for my next chemo treatment on Monday, I'm playing worship music in my earbuds (and maybe a little of the "Rocky" soundtrack) and I am focusing on Christ. I believe that's what Paul meant when he spoke of the privilege of joining Christ in the fellowship of suffering! I say...Bring It! And may He be glorified by how we run! One day we will reach the finish line and maybe...just maybe...He will stand to His feet and applaud!

Staying In My Lane

I'm posting this from my hotel room in Manhattan before I head into a day filled with not so fun tests, scans, sedations, procedures and recovery. The chemotherapy pump that was installed in my abdomen to deliver cancer-killing drugs directly to my liver is malfunctioning slightly and a team of doctors are going to repair it today. I am just now recovering from three days of systemic (full-body) chemo which ended on Friday. I was strong enough to make it in to church and it was amazing as usual. It's next to impossible to have a bad week when you get to be led in worship by Jay Boykin (and team) and led in Bible study by Pastor Todd Mullins along with the most amazing church family on earth! If it sounds like I am biased, I am. Christ Fellowship is flat out the best place this side of Heaven. New York on the other hand, not so much. Under any other circumstances I would probably LOVE this place but too many bad memories now and maybe too many people! We were in crazy traffic the whole way from the airport to the hotel and our driver, like most of them, drove a little more aggressive than I would have....constantly changing lanes and trying to figure out a better route to avoid more traffic. (as I write this, the sound of the constant horns of New York traffic have invaded the room at 6:30 am! 6:30 am!) The trip to the hotel reminded me of the text we have been camped out in...Hebrews 12:1-2. By the way, did you know that the reason we offer coffee at Christ Fellowship (and we allow it in the sanctuary at the Royal Palm campus!) is because God drinks coffee? It's in the Bible! "Hebrews"! Get it? "He...brews.?! haha...just kidding!

Hebrews 12:1 says, "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." The Holy Spirit inspired the author to tell us to not only run, but to run with perseverance and stay on the course that has been set up for us! Huge! Life-changing instructions! God not only cheers us on to keep going but also reminds that the path we are on is no mistake! It's not an afterthought...it's been "marked out for us." As I run this race, I tend to look at other runners and their course wishing sometimes I was running in their lane. Maybe I saw less hurdles or hazards...maybe from my perspective it looked mostly downhill. God wants us to stay focused on the life He has planned for us. Todd Mullins just finished a tremendous sermon series encouraging us to do just this by studying Joseph's life in Genesis. Click here if you want to check it out.

As I prepare for a tough week, and maybe a tough remainder of the year, this is huge to me. I must persevere because this course has been marked out for me by God. Whatever you are going through right now...if you feel like your course in life seems to be mostly uphill...or if you see that you have twice as many hurdles in your lane than the person in the lane next to you...just run! Don't compare your life's problems to other's problems...or lack of them, just run! And keep running for God's glory! He won't put anything in your lane that you can't handle! (1 Corinthians 10:13)

Stay in your lane, don't let up, and just keep putting one foot in front of the other! Love you all!

Watching my weight

That phrase means something completely different to me today then it did even a year ago (and 30 pounds ago)! I used to make sure that I wasn't gaining to much weight...now, I make sure I am not losing too much weight. Never thought I would see the day! Last month I was hospitalized for about two weeks because I couldn't bounce back from a chemotherapy treatment. My side effects of sickness and appetite loss weren't dissipating and I had lost twelve pounds in ten days...not a fun time! My weight was already very low and this brought me into a weight range I hadn't recalled seeing since Middle School.

Fortunately, through relationships at our church, God has connected me with one of the leading oncologists in South Florida but also, the world's leading oncologist for my particular type of cancer (at New York's Sloan Kettering Cancer Center). They were able to restore my health and diagnose the problem. The internal chemotherapy pump which profuses my liver with potent chemo drugs for two weeks at a time was profusing some of those drugs right into my stomach. I will be traveling to New York at the end of the month to have a procedure (pray that it is not extensive surgery) which will repair the leak. I will also be having another CT Scan so please pray that the results come back and I continue to be cancer-free!

While all this was going on, I was thinking of my blog and all you who actually read these posts. I didn't think many were reading until many of you started asking when the next post was going to be written. Sorry, it's been too long! I will now commit to post some sort of update and devotional thought at least every week. As God instills my heart and soul with precious wisdom from His Word as I go through this trial, I will attempt to pass it onto all of you. Or as I say to my church family at Christ Fellowship all the time, as God hits me over the head with a two by four of truth, I will be happy to extend the same to you! Sometimes it takes a two by four like cancer to get my attention!

God tells us to watch our weight, believe it or not. And I am not referring to the passages on gluttony (which tends to be a weakness of mine by the way). I'm speaking of our spiritual weight. As we continue our look at Hebrews 12:1, Paul (remember, I think he wrote it) says, "let us lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely," (ESV). Runners and racers of any kind attempt to increase their chances for victory by being as light as possible. As we find ourselves in this arena of life, surrounded by a crowd of heroes who have competed before us, we are encouraged to lighten up and remove excess baggage.

I've never seen a marathon runner with a back pack of equipment. I've never seen a NASCAR competitor towing a U-haul trailer behind his race car. Yet we do this in the race of life...sins and spiritual clutter can weigh us down and exhaust us. When we are carrying sinful habits with us, we cannot become the champion God wants us to be. God's grace gets us in the race...hey I like that...but once we are forgiven, we decide how much glory we can give our Savior by running to win! It's hard to bring positive results for your sponsor if you are pulling a U-haul around the track. I love that he refers to two different types of baggage...outright sin and just weight. Some things are not sin but still weigh us down. Our priorities can get out of alignment and we can become less streamlined. Our attitude can be less than ideal and we can stop performing at a high level.

One way this terrible disease has richly blessed me is in getting streamlined and shedding excess weight (both physically and spiritually!). My priorities are clearer then ever before...my God, my wife, my kids are the most important things in life. My attitude is not based on what I am called to run through in this life but Who I am running it for! People constantly seem amazed by my positive attitude...its because of Hebrews 12:1-2. If you are struggling and weighed down in this race of life: remember what we've covered: (1) You're not the first to run this race and experience hardship...there is a "cloud" of spectators who have gone through the same stuff before you, (2) lighten up...if you are feeling overly fatigued, it may be that you have a sin habit, priority misalignment, or bad attitude backpack that is weighing you down. Throw it off and run with me for the glory of our Sponsor!

I love you guys! Thanks for reading, praying, and just joining me on this road trip! I promise to give you more frequent updates and posts! Sorry, but I didn't think there were that many interested. Glad you are!

Doing laps with an all too familiar IV pole

Tonight I find my self taking romantic strolls with the love of my life through the halls of a local hospital while toting an IV pole on wheels. This type of road trip I have become very familiar with as of this past year. I focus on walking at a decent pace and Cathryn focuses on making me laugh and finding ways to keep me smiling. I don't deserve the angel God gave me to go through life with. I love her more with each lap through this hospital wing and each day of our lives together. Five chemotherapy treatments down and seven to go! As I am walking, I notice the wheels on my pole don't work so well and it makes it hard to push along...kinda like the shopping cart I tend get at the grocery store. It reminds of how my life seems like that pole sometimes...I wished all my wheels worked and it wasn't so difficult to keep moving. Then I recalled the passage I started our blog with.

I meditated on the Scripture with which we began the blog last week and was encouraged. Hebrews 12:1-2 just seems to nail my necessary outlook right now and it probably hits home with the 2 or 3 of you who actually read my blog! Paul writes (I believe Paul wrote it although it is debatable) "Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses...". As he finishes the roll call of the hall of fame faithful in the previous chapter, he pulls them into the motivation of our lives. We are not alone in the struggles of our lives. Many have gone before us and faithfully followed God through much more intense struggles. (take a few minutes and read chapter 11). When we think "woe is me!" or "nobody knows my pain" we are fooling ourselves. Men and woman have been facing great struggles and glorifying God throughout the ages.

Paul bring two great word pictures into play that help us understand his inspired meaning in almost high definition. First he uses the odd word "cloud" to describe the witnesses that have gathered around us as we run this race called life. Many scholars say that Paul is probably calling the readers attention to the Coliseum in Rome. You see the very top tier of seats in the Coliseum were referred to as the "clouds". You see, as we are struggling to endure our race, we must remember that there is a tier of witnesses who have lived through much worse and their example cheers us on. Secondly, he uses ( under Divine inspiration) the term "witnesses" to describe these hall-of-famers. The original Greek word used does not necessarily men that they are witnessing our lives or races played out before them, rather it presents more accurately the picture of a witness in a trial defending the truth. These hall of fame witnesses defended the truth that God is Great, Sovereign, and deserving our best and praise. These men and women we are to revere in chapter eleven did not have wonderful peaceful lives. They were stressful, struggling lives with overwhelming problems. But they brought sweet, sweet glory to their God by living courageous, faithful lives fully depended on Him...many of them didn't have much, but they had God!

Before coming to Christ Fellowship, I had the privilege to closely work with arguably one of the most influential Christian leaders of the previous century. He explained it this way..."You don't determine a man's greatness by his wealth or talent as the world does, but rather by what it takes to discourage him!" -- Jerry Falwell

Welcome to the Road Trip!

My kids have a great time just coming along for the ride. Last Summer, we took a road trip and visited family and friends throughout the US. They say they had the time of their lives. I realized that I don’t bring them along enough in life. Through my battle with Cancer, I found myself evaluating my life and ministry and realized I could do an even better job using technology to bring people along with me on my journey.

We all have a journey. In Hebrews, we read, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” (Hebrews 12:1-2)

As I am traveling down the road of life marked out for me, I want to do a better job of inviting people to join this road trip. You are welcome to hop in and enjoy the conversation and scenery. Maybe we will learn how to persevere and fix our eyes on Christ. Buckle up! I tend to speed!